Process of Illumination

Hormones happen, but we aren’t our hormones.
I think that hormones can get in the way of friendship because they distract you from looking at the person as a friend, but if you can recognize that they are just hormones and one day you won’t be experiencing them so strongly, you can look past the veil of attraction.

I’ve made friends with a lot of guys because I have more in common with them. My hormones rage out of control sometimes and I have unintentionally lead some of them on as a result but next time a guy says he is interested I’ll tell him that it’s just the hormones that cause me to seem flirty.
I’m happy in my relationship and all I want is friendship.
I believe that they wiill be able to re-examine their own actions and treat me more like a sister or mother or grandmother or cousin or whatever.

If they still can’t then I’m pretty sure that I can be friends with guys that aren’t attracted to me or I can wait until I’m old and my hormones have calmed down.

I haven’t got any malintentions so they’d be leading themselves on, and that wouldn’t make for a healthy long-term friendship.

I knew a guy that hated being told that “he was like a brother to them”. I considered his feelings too much and didn’t tell him the truth because I genuinely cared about the friendship.
He kept thinking he had a chance with me because of that, and I feared that I would lose the friendship if I was honest even though he told me later that that was an outrageous belief.

The thing is, maybe some people can handle it and some can’t. I think it depends on how long the attraction is allowed to build up, because it makes the deception more intense and seem more real to the experiencer.

My hope is that distance and coldness on my part will make the illusion crack a bit, and I’ll tell my friend my true feelings again then.

I think men and women have different things that they see as friendship, but I don’t believe that it maes it impossible to be friends. Different people can help you meet different needs. You can’t expect your partner to be everything to you realistically.

I like to encourage my male friends and give them a shoulder to cry on when they are lonely. I am even willing to give them massages for stress relief and a healthy, no-strings-attached dose of physical touch. If they’re struggling with getting an intimate/romantic relationship, I want to be their cheerleader and protect them from people that might harm them.
I guess I’m sort of motherly in my own way.
If they misinterpret my affection it can really hurt my feelings.

I used to cringe inwardly whenever a guy gave me a gift or was nice to me, because I didn’t know his intentions and I was scared he would cry “friendzone!” if I accepted and didn’t feel attracted to him in the same way or immediately give him a gift in return to make sure he didn’t misunderstand the friendship would never become a relationship.

When family members or my female friends give me gifts or are nice, we’ll eventually find a way to return the favor, or that’s the general belief anyways.
If I have to live in fear that a gift or niceness has an ulterior motive, it can put a real strain on the friendship and trust factor. As a fellow friend I would like to be trusted the same way my family and female friends trust me by men as well. That is the value of friendship to me.

I feel like I can finally relax and focus on being a good friend.

I think it has a lot to do with insecurity. If you are struggling with relationships it is easy to blame the entire gender for your misfortune.

I’m the type of person that considers men’s feelings. My own beloved father says hurtful things about my gender around me and I try to encourage him but he is so jaded after the bad luck he has had with relationships! I wish he could see that there are ways he can attract women to him, but he is resistant to change, which is understandable and even admirable in my eyes.. but at the same time it can form a limitation with his progress in pursuing romantic/sexual relationships with the opposite sex.

I won’t ever say that there aren’t women that will hurt men, because I know how women can be. but someday it is my hope that they will find the strength to heal and move on rather than leaving their old wound to fester.

I feel like men resent my “meddling”, oftentimes, because they are trying to find their own way to heal, but I’m just trying to help. I know I care about men and so it isn’t fair or honest to say that all women are bad.

Maybe I’d feel better if the guys I care about let me know that I was an exception to their misery, I would be able to relax, but just because you consider me “one of the guys” doesn’t mean I automatically realize you aren’t looking at me in the wrong light.

To my daughter I will say,
‘See your beauty
without a compliment
or a mirror.’

'Blind' by Della Hicks-Wilson (via thediaryofdreams)

x

(via creative—type)

crewtonramone:

Ron Fucking Swanson

The thing about isolation and solitude is that as undesirable as it is, very soon it becomes your safety net. You’ve learnt how to survive on your own, but you’ve forgotten how to live with others.
(via lonely—eyes)
Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person, it isn’t worth having.
Unknown (via quotethat)
You can look at a scar and see hurt, or you can look at a scar and see healing.
Sheri Reynolds  (via lovequotesrus)

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. Talk to someone: Sharing how we feel helps to reduce the inner tension (but make sure it is someone who cares about your feelings).

2. Work on improving your self-esteem: Self-esteem is the way you see and feel about yourself … and there are lots of lots of things that undermine our self…

sicklysatisfied:

Untitled on We Heart It.

Over 2 light years across and over 2000 light years away from Earth: The Ghost Nebula (Hubble)

Over 2 light years across and over 2000 light years away from Earth: The Ghost Nebula (Hubble)